november 19th; haven't weighed in yet

yesterday was my half birthday, today's my best friend's half birthday. he's seventeen and a half now. he's old. :)

today's been hard.

though there's a plus - i got a perfect score on a piece i did for english. my teacher only gave out 2 perfect scores in the whole grade. :)

she read it to the class and then during my study hall she called me out of class so i could bring it back to her so she could read it to the other period.

last night my best friend stayed on the phone with me for two hours cause i felt really really bad, and it was sweet of him but we kept yelling at each other and then stopping and starting up again. he's my best friend. i love him. why does everyone fight?

i get upset cause i'm stubborn, he starts the yelling cause he gets frustrated really fast, and i keep it going cause i can't talk over him when he's frustrated.

he pulled some bible verses for me, but i didn't understand why. i always understand his bible verses. it's just difficult, isn't it? trying to heal yourself alone. i can't do it, and my best friend and i both know it. i won't admit it cause i don't want to go through with what it'll take to fix everything that's wrong with me.

i'm freaked; what happens when i have a doctor's appointment? i've lost 20 pounds since i've been there, and there are scars literally all over my body. i can't hide them, i've tried. cover-up, powder... nothing works.

and now 2 of my friends, jenny and evan, are fighting. they're supposed to be a couple, but supposedly he's cheating on her with this girl named megan. she's younger than us, and she seems dangerous. sweet. but dangerous.

i'm tired of there being fighting everywhere i go. i don't want to hurt myself, i don't want to be afraid anymore.

i'm tired of feeling like this.