all i keep telling myself, all i can hear in my head.
reached out to my best friend and he literally just said, "fuck you."
im numb and im frantic but at the same time i'm completely calm. i'm perfectly fine. i dont need this shit anymore. i can handle whatever death has in store for me. i dont need life. i'm sick of all of this. and you know what the worst part is?
no one's gonna realize anything was even wrong. they're all gonna be so confused. cause i never let anyone in except my best friend, and i call him a little after midnight and wake him up and he's pissed. he's like, "GO TO SLEEP," but I CANT and i dont have the guts to tell him that i cant stop cutting and i want to fucking die.
i want to kill myself. this is tied for first as time i'm most motivated. i have nothing left to live for, not even my best friends. they don't care anymore, and that's all i was thriving off of. i always had people to give me hugs and smiles, and now they don't even love me.
fifteen forever.
i want them to cremate me. i want candles on the water, because that's the most beautiful.
i need to hurt myself. NOW.
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